The Case Against Bread

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on intelligence tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average Australian eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days.

8. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jam, vegemite, peanut butter and even corned beef!

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 300°C! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Analysis of bread reveals appreciable quantities of dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), which is not organic in nature! Exposure to high temperature for extended periods reduces the concentration of  DHMO but renders the bread both unpalatable and indigestible.

13. The grain used in today’s bread has been subjected to anthropogenic genetic modification over several thousand years.

14. Many bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistics.

(Acknowledgements to the original author)

2 Responses to The Case Against Bread

  1. JessLee says:

    I get the humor of this piece…However, I am someone who has been told by doctors that bread and pasta is not healthy for me, as I have PCOS. Truth be told, a lot of people have insulin issues and should seriously cut back on or avoid bread. And, white bread has practically no nutritional value and turns to sugar in the body. Anyway, I wonder if the grain industry put this piece out there as a counter to all the negative press. Personally, I have lost 30 pounds from going off bread, and now I am in the healthy weight range. Most processed bread is really high in sodium, too. In conclusion, there really is a real scientific case against bread for many of us. If you can eat the stuff and not blow up like a balloon, you are lucky.

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